Thursday, February 16, 2012
Life teaches, for better
When I look back to think what I have learned from life, I realized we shouldn’t be afraid of the unexpected bridges we have to cross. There could be delight in the moments that might inspire us to stop and admire, like the flowers while crossing a mighty bridge.. So slow down, be bold!
It is important to keep reminded once again of the privileges we enjoy: Though we possess a sound body, mind and soul, why is it sometimes so easy to forget all we blessed with and become caught up in the insecurities? Life teaches us to look past the magnifications of our own worries and address concerns of life and death—which is really the only worry of any lasting consequence. So take a step back, breathe, analyze.
Allow your own fears to be dwarfed so you can make room to be compassionate about those of others. I was kicking around the sand in the sunset, as I walked along the beach, kick the hurdles, it would vanish as small grain of sand. And isn't that what living with a good quality of life is all about? :)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place
Today as I began working, I found myself not having enough strength to concentrate. I told my client, "I'm just tired, it is fever." I didn’t want to discuss things that have been on my mind. He said, "that's not the issue, you are emotionally drained." Deep down, I knew he was right!
As soon as I wrapped up the meeting, immediately got on the computer, and the first thing I saw was this picture someone posted when she climbed Machu Picchu. Couldn't have been more timely, which is no surprise, it was a picture of the rock piles the hikers past had left as they climbed. What is interesting is, as the travelers journey past, each one is supposed to place another rock on top of the last one left behind. So, if the pile collapses the next hiker starts it all over again.
I realized it sort of becomes a marker that shows a single spot that is changed, augmented, sometimes even destroyed by random people who are otherwise unconnected or barely know each other.
And it made me think how similar my life is to rock piles; touched by random people, built up and broken down by the same and just waiting for the next traveler to venture...
But now, I’m not waiting for the next person to come by and shape my life in a totally different way.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sleepless in Baltimore
Clouds sweep the moon off his feet and early showers ooze out of the dark..
As I lie in my bed counting the sheep, I saw him arriving with his arms open..
Open as they always are for the millionth time until we get to sleep the big sleep..
He prepares to come onto me with the hungry passion that his eyes betray.. Arms wide open..
I shun him this time.. Elude his embrace.. Giving no for an answer..
Pale as the moon turns his face.. Shell-shocked stands he.. Arms still wide open..
"Is there a woman?", asks he.. "Is there a woman that wouldn't need me every night?" "That wouldn't let me embrace her?"
"What is it with you my eternal lover?" "My favorite lady, what has become of you?", cries he with his arms wide open..
"Somnus", says I.. "You have to leave now".. "The time has come for us to part".. "Leave now and don't come back.."
Somnus smiles.. A knowing look comes to his face whose color now changes from pale to dark.. The familiar look of the jilted one.. Arms no longer wide open..
"Who is he?".. "Who is the mortal that made you forget me?"
"He is the god of love, the immortal beloved.. He is my love of life. The Apple of my eyes.."
Somnus smiles.. He knows he has to leave for this woman, who is afflicted by the worst of all maladies, no cure has been invented for which..
"I will leave you to him.. I shall leave now.." With sad eyes and dolor eating his mind, he turns to the door. Stops there and turns back..
"What is his name?" demands the God of Sleep..
"Bradley Cooper, The love of my life.. The Apple of my eyes.."
The forbidden love
As the west cringed in helpless fear
offering gasps of fear to the approaching thunder
Attila had come to the gates of Rome,
resolute he was in taking the lady home..
Quick to the feet was he to the pleas of Honoria
who in her epistles cast a spell on Attila..
But why did the hunnic king turn away his army?
And why does this mortal leave his lady?
Destiny strikes again with its innate wrath
and kills the sacred union in its birth..
Or is it the societal fear that considers it a taboo
for a princess and a barbarian to be in love?
But will the Honoria of the present grieve and lament
as did the Honoria of the past?
Love and affliction
The loneliest of nights makes you my opium,
pushing the afeemkhor that I’m into bouts of delirium
in the delirious moans of romantic euphoria
I chant thy name with a feverish zeal…
Neither the grecian ambrosia nor the vedic nectar
can satiate my hunger
only thy divine presence nourishes my soul
and its vestiges I devour…
Walking onto your shrine of hope
I seek for the meaning of life
like an exiled regent yearning for his land
a wandering hermit searching for God…
Like a lonesome warrior on a deserted fortress
I gaze upon my country of darkness
should I fall in this battle of cruel love?
will you lead me to the glorious Valhalla?…
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Years of joy and pain
In my journey through the tunnel of time,
chants of thy name like the toll of the bells
resound in my head through endless nights..
Eerie silence and blinding darkness
intermingled with inner fears and desperation
wear me down to a confining exhaustion..
Unnerved, I tread on and inch toward the goal
protected by the divine angel of love
that promised to deliver me to the dark castle..
Art thou in the highest keep guarded by the sentinels?
Or in the recesses of the harem surrounded by eunuchs?
May he who made you a prisoner burn in hell..
Fire and sword create havoc
in the spate of blood and eternal pain
beseeching the angel of death to come down and reign..
Marching on I reach onto your abode
with bloodied hands and a sinned soul
seeking penitence in our holy consummation..
My sword slashes the gossamer
that dared hide the beloved milady
rendering death to the wicked and crafty..
Peering in what do I see?
Shoved back into the wormhole of time
I tremor and wake to see the blinding sunshine..
Then I realize what should follow.
Years of joy and years of pain
only to relive again and again..
While I still crave for those years of innocence
my cognizance has for them unsympathetic hate
for they are in deep and deplorable ignorance
unashamedly in denial of your existence..
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Le Jeu De La Mort
There's a documentary/book/'study'/fake game show resembling the 'Milgram shock experiment' that seems to be getting some press right now. My first reaction was "Really? Why did they do the Milgram experiment again?"
As it turns out, at least part of the motivation, as quoted in the Time article, was the idea that "Milgram's findings about the human submission to authority figures were particularly applicable to TV." While I most definitely appreciate the critique of [reality] television and the attempt to increase awareness of how people can be influenced, I have to ask: did they really need to use the Milgram paradigm? The ethical concerns are the same and possibly worse (by my reading, participants' faces were shown on television). On top of that, I worry that the controversy is going to detract from rather than add to the intended cultural critique (and awareness of the pseudo-scientific findings).
I hear the Milgram study on obedience (this is, I believe, the now-rarely-used phrasing of the original title) cited during explanations of why institutional review is important, but it's rare that I hear anyone but a psychologist reflect an understanding of what it suggests about humans' susceptibility to influence. (In fact, the first story I saw about this said nothing about Milgram, authority/obedience, social influence, the influence of television, etc. The Time article, and several others I've seen, do a bit better.) I certainly think that ethics are more important than theories of social psychology, but when there exists evidence of a theory of human behavior -- especially when it's relevant to ethics in settings that don't have the same oversight that occurs in academia -- I find it sad to see it misunderstood, overshadowed, or ignored completely.
Another thing that bothers me is that from what little I can tell, this is a pretty shoddy research design. They report that 81% of their 'subjects' went to the highest setting, vs. 62% in the Milgram experiment. The superficial conclusion, which seems plausible, is that the tv-show context makes people even more susceptible. But there are so many reasons that the comparison of these two samples is suspect. For starters, that's 81% of people willing to participate in a reality TV show in the first place. One titled "Zone Xtreme," no less. There was also a "goading studio audience," which was probably highly influential and isn't, strictly speaking, an intrinsic part of the TV show context. For work that comes at a such a potentially high cost to the subjects, it would be nice to see a little more attention to validity, to say nothing of mitigating the harm, though I'll grant (and hope) that may be some things that went unreported in the popular press, especially for the latter.
Happiness
Happiness is not circumstantial... it's what you make of those circumstances that makes you happy. Lately I have noticed people struggling with the fact that they have been failing to be happy or to essentially find happiness. However, after a long drive back from college, and stressed about my work meetings and loads of projects, with my frustration, I did what any other girl would do--to do some shopping therapy.. So I stopped at store to pick up a few things. I became even more frustrated when the things I wanted were on the opposite side of the store. As I waited in the long line I realized that only two lanes were open for a great amount of customers.
When I was the second person in line, I realized the cashier was taking her sweet time but greatly interacting with each customer. The crazy thing was, she was deaf. She grunted and tried her hardest to express her joy for certain items the customers were purchasing as she put them in their bags. When she started scanning my items she just smiled at me and was so excited to help me out. She used sign language to thank me for visiting the store, and I signed back to her "no, thank you". Her contagious happiness had me crying with tears of joy all the way out the doors and to my home. This amazing act of happiness in helping people completely boggles my mind.
I know we missed things for a reason, and why it took so long to find the things we wanted. Wow. We really need to start thinking of situations in a less negative way. This encounter has greatly changed the perception of the ability to obtain happiness. This ability is in all of us, we just need to feel it more... and most importantly we need to live in its beauty.
Monday, January 4, 2010
My role-model
I draw inspiration from my grandmother. She motivated me go in search of the American Dream. Her goal was to ensure a high quality of life for her children so that they could achieve what she had not. Living in an one-bedroom home with her husband and three children, she would wake up at five in the morning to battle the bone-chilling morning frost and walk to school where she worked as the principal. While trying to assimilate to the mass of modern society, she still was able to pass on her traditional identity by training my mother in Indian classical singing, dancing and, later in me, instilling a great sense of moral rectitude and cultural pride. Her efforts to substantiate a means for success paid off because she single-handedly guided my entire family into the life that we value today. Growing up, each time that I gazed into her omniscient eyes, which were full of experience and wisdom, I would get a reaffirming sensation—one that lands in the heart and flows through the veins. When her eyes met mine, I knew that she approved of the person I had become and will be in the future. In that hint of blue that encircled the earth-brown iris of her eyes I could see the power of the ocean, the beauty of skies, and the majesty of the wind that connects both. I could feel the energy of the electricity that binds everything together. I, essentially felt life. She would approve of my decision to pursue life the way I am, so that I may carry forward the torch of life: of knowledge, of humanity, of hard-work, and of love. Even today, I feel her presence in my blood, in my conversations, in my personality, and in my surroundings. Tonight and for the rest of my life, Granny, I understand your purpose, and I understand myself better than I have ever been able to do so before. Thank you for giving me a model to mold myself into, and thank you for inspiring me. You are the flower in the forest, the breaths that I take, the message in the bottle, and the stars in the sky. May you grace every day with even the smallest reminders of hope and of love: the smiles that we exchange and the music that we make. The brilliancy that encompassed your life encourages my faith, and moreover, gives me proof—proof that life has direction. I miss you and love you more than words can describe—I’ll settle with “infinitely”.
Yours,
Deepa
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Fiction
This morning I was stuck between two worlds. Here, my brain is dripping endless intangibles into my consciousness. I struggled for the first ten minutes of what we call "being awake" (I personally refer to this "state" as an extended trauma), trying with all my might to get those damned dreams to clot. Stop the drip! Now I am awake, but floating on my heels. As humans we must come to a crossroads at some point: to be really good at something you must practice. As my fifth grade teacher once said, "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice does!" Now I'm in the business of being a hermit. Not to practice, but to exercise to the best of my abilities, which I think is my writing. To be a wholly well-rounded human being you must appreciate the delirium of excess, but understand the necessity of restraint. This piece of writing isn't very well organized. I'm tired, and I mostly wanted to get what little structure this thought process had out onto writing...so... sorry for the stream of consciousness feel.
I'm going to discuss about Fiction. Fiction and history are the only two types of information. The past is history, the future is fiction- we stand with one foot on each side. Fiction is the mother of the necessity which mothers invention. We shape our approach to the future based on our personal notions of fiction. Fiction gives us wings, history gives us a horizon.
Stories--theater, art, comics, video games, poems, books, anime, movies, tv shows--they shouldn’t be treated as an escape. They should serve to form our sense of fiction that we use to make our mark on the future. The struggles of fictional characters are left open to our own personal interpretation. Why did the villain lose? Should the hero have won? What would it mean for the world if it turned out differently? How would I have acted in the same situation? Why? We make ourselves the fictional characters of our own story!
It’s tempting to assign higher objective value to one work or genre of fiction over another. There might be some validity behind this urge, but the concern here is what the fiction can bring out in an individual, and not the other way around. Since we are all different-we will be influenced by fiction in different ways.
Artists with a sense of futility should know their work isn’t meaningless. It seems more and more like society demands a justification from the artist about why they are creating what they are creating. The more fiction society has to draw from, the more developed our imagination and our sense of self can become.
Most people become who they are because of who they’re around. That’s too homogeneous a pool in most cases. Fiction provides more input for personal growth.
Mediums of fiction are often looked down upon by society. “Nerds.” The only mistake a stereotypical “nerd” is making is by using fiction purely as an escape instead of a tool. Fiction shouldn't be treated as a drug or some kind of substitute for real life. Having a personally applied knowledge of a given work or body of fiction is just as important and useful to society in the long run as a complete knowledge of….say….. law. Focusing only on history creates stagnation while focusing only on fiction creates degradation. One has to see how they work together, but society needs to quit downplaying the importance of the role of fiction.
We are the living legacies of the heroes and villains of fiction. We can give their struggles worth. They can give our struggles personal meaning. They help us form a “why” for ourselves instead of just a “how.” Society focuses too much on the “how” and usually deals with the “why” superficially… mostly by way of marijuana politics.
History is important because we can see how people’s choices, actions and their sense of “morality” played out in the real world. This is the horizon. History shows us the edge of known human capability. People need horizons so they have something to shoot for and so they can quantify their own experiences- this way we can understand what it means to grow. Historical stories can also serve some of the same purposes as fictional ones, but can never be quite as useful in that regard because they are grounded in reality... and if we want to get anywhere then reality must never be taken completely on its own terms.
Because of fiction, I can be Deepa, MBA student and the progeny of knights, pirates, mercenaries, angels, demons, soldiers, thieves, kings, samurai, wizards, con men, ghosts, detectives, vampires, spies, ninjas, astronauts, and Indiana Jones. Isn't that better than simply Deepa, MBA Student?
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Obama signs fair pay legislation...from cnn.com
WASHINGTON (CNN) — President Barack Obama signed a new pay-equity measure into law Thursday, effectively overturning a 2007 Supreme Court decision that made it harder to sue for pay discrimination.
The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act — named for a former Goodyear Tire employee who sued the company for gender discrimination in 1998 — is the first bill signed by Obama.
“It is fitting that with the very first bill I sign … we are upholding one of this nation’s first principles: that we are all created equal and each deserve a chance to pursue our own version of happiness,” Obama said at a ceremony in the East Room of the White House.
The new law removes a provision requiring employees seeking equal pay to file a complaint within 180 days of receiving their first unfair paycheck. Under the measure, employees instead have the right to file within 180 days of their most recent paycheck.
Alright, now let me play devil's advocate!Without doing extensive research on this new law, there appears to be a couple of negatives that stand out from a plain reading of what the law is looking to accomplish. From a corporate perspective, managers and HR will need to constantly revisit and review their pay structure, more frequently than they are probably used to. For most companies, this is usually done on an annual basis and is based on trends from the previous year, market statistics, and other measured figures. This new law states that employees have the right to file complaints of unequal pay within 180 days of their most recent paycheck, which initially indicates that corporations will need to revisit pay structures at least on a monthly basis depending on the pay cycle of the organization. Additionally, depending on the employee's motivation to work, they may look for potential inequalities in pay and discrimination in order to defend their paychecks. This law empowers employees against their employers to a certain extent. This could be dangerous for a company if they do not have the appropriate measures in place to review, analyze and adjust their pay structure for various positions. It would only take one rogue employee in such an environment to cash in using this new law. Thoughts?
Friday, November 14, 2008
God
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Those beliefs
Since someone asked, I'm trotting out a list of beliefs which define me a bit more closely and clearly than the terms "liberal" or "conservative". These are in no particular order--just as they come to mind during a rather exhausted slice of free time before work :P
I think the government should act to preserve individual freedoms and avoid infringing on peoples' privacy unless acts committed in privacy infringe on or harm the rights of others.
I believe in freedoms being extended to everyone to the extent that they don't restrict or inhibit others and their freedoms.
I believe that people, including myself, should take responsibility for their thinking by doing appropriate research and by exercising logic in working out their course of action, their thinking, and their opinions (aside from the kind of opinion like "I prefer chocolate ice cream").
I am a supporter of Democratic party for my entire politically viable life.
I believe that homosexuality is natural among humans and maybe animals too, and therefore should not be legislated against, nor restricted by churches who (in my opinion) misread the Bible in saying that homosexuality is unnatural.
I believe that abortion is not a right but a practice which should be exercised by women for reasons of health, and not for reasons of "oops, I was too careless to avoid getting pregnant."
I believe that government should not favor, in its actions, certain particular parties by giving them lucrative jobs or by slyly and covertly twisting public policy in order to enrich said parties. I think this is an abuse of power, committed by the people in the White House, and unfortunately committed in the past by people of both parties.
I do not believe that the ends justify the means, in general.
I believe in God.
I believe in respect, as opposed to bigotry, unfairness, narrow-mindedness, and penalizing others just because they disagree with you or are different from you. However I also believe in arguing with those with whom I disagree. I wish to avoid being venomous in my arguments, however.
I believe in the right to privacy but I am skeptical of the paranoid; for example, I often suspect that those who have Friends Only MySpaces are paranoid. Or else they are displaying nude photos that they don't want anyone but friends to see.
And that will do to be going on with--but I will answer anyone's questions or probings of my thought-process (expect same in return).
Friday, October 17, 2008
Remembering You
You can only see what happens when I close
my eyes,
to think about you and remember those times
when we were together,
and when we were close friends,
those beautiful times which now hurt to think of.
All those long talks we had together,
I liked the way you made me feel happy,
you made my heart as weak as a feather.
You introduced me to the beautiful world of friendship,
Something I haven't felt for a while.
Now you are gone, I'm just alone,
I cry myself to sleep every night,
I can't get a drop worth of rest.
I used to wonder,
if my heart was worth being broken,
Now I know, if I could ever go back,
I'd do it all over again.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
What fills my days and consumes my vast energies
Recently someone made it clear that he doesn't know how busy I am. In a conversation, he gave me the sense that he has no idea what fills my life. And I never think about who knows what is going on in my life. It never occurs to me that anyone would think about my life, from the outside, and decide something about my life, form a viewpoint as it were, based on no information. Yet this happens, all the time. So now I'm taking ten minutes before I go to bed, to craft this note. Perhaps craft is too strong a word.
My days are full of teaching and learning; on some days I teach eight hours, on other days less, and in the non-teaching hours I do my mba presentations, glance over any reading due, research anything I don't know (thank God for the Internet!!). Sometimes students interrupt all this to meet with me and talk, vent, cry, dither or exult about something. I am responsible for answering every phone call and email in a timely fashion, usually defined as one to two days. I extend the same courtesy to my friends.
Then, in addition to all this, I have friends, and I have to fight for time to spend with them because I have quite a few, thank God. Then too, there are family meetings every so often. But! I am not finished describing my work: I have to prep for MBA classes. And then there is awesome planning, which takes from a few minutes to a few hours, with preparing financials, grocery shopping, cleaning, assignment completion, researching (fortunately I like to do this and am fairly proficient which might explain why researching invests nearly all of my life). Then too, there's spiritual life and personal life.
And now my minutes are up, so I might flesh this note out further at a later date describing my hours of learning piano, workshops, taking photographs, and reading at least one-two hours per day, and often writing in a blog as well. But now, must fly--
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Not what I expected!
My life has a dullness
now, not like the happy times of my youth
But like a cloth that has been washed too many times
or like a silent gray moth that flutters with tuneless
rhythm.
This is not what I expected.
I'd thought I'd be
happy now like a bird that flies so high...
With no cares, no worries...but life has taken my youth
which I can remember just like yesterday
But it seems as though between yesterday and today years have
passed me by.
I didn't know I'd be lying to the world, my emotions on an edge
as thin as air
yet hanging balanced between being sane and being not.
My inner fears of being someone I'm not.
I am living my fears in the flesh yet...
Not.
I had not expected this.
This violent turmoil
building inside me,
the mistrust permeating the air around me.
The hatred I feel for life because I cannot control my own life
because life controls all life
And blames it on fate.
I had expected to be halfway through my dreams and goals.
Not wandering about with adult problems and adult worries of never
being able to be myself.
but my self older wiser and restricted by life.
I had not expected this.
I had not expected to feel as if half my life is over
Like an ageless flute that’s tune is not quite right...
I had not expected this,
this loneliness,
this feeling of being rejected by the world.
Nothing ever like this.
Nothing quite like this
There were 3, 2, and then there were none...
Can you believe I'm almost done with my first MBA class??? Oh I just wanted to share that I recently had one of our team members withdraw from the class. While I'm not sure what the reason was, I'm sure there was something personal enough for that decision to be made rightfully so. This person never communicated to me as I was the team leader or to the other teammates, which could have been disastrous if we were in the later parts of our team project. Whatever the reason may be, it just goes to show that anything can happen at any point! From the interaction I had with this person, s/he really seemed to have a hold of things, and it really was a shocker. Best of luck to this person and hope everything is ok.
The reason why I bring this up is because I believe this happens where we work and for those of you that may be 'stay at homes,' it happens around you also. This is particularly similar to someone not giving two weeks notice at their job and never showing up. People quit, resign, get fired, fall sick, break-up, get divorced, etc., BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON. That is not said to be insensitive, but to really remind us that human beings learn from these misfortunes and the way we get through them is pulling together. Whether it be with family members, friends, colleagues, the country—together we are able to get through these situations in life to ultimately reach our goal. Getting back to my reference to where I work, sometimes I had to carry on more tasks to make up for the work that has been lost from the person that has left, and in this aspect, my team had to pull together even more, so we can carry out our goal—which is to complete the research and get a great grade.
I think by things popping up or the unexpected happening is a great experience. We should try to turn negatives into positives and try to put a spin on things. This also helps us develop as individuals and prepares us for the competitive world.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Liars
Lying is not the same as storytelling, though a grey area might be said to differentiate the two. Telling a story may be an attempt at art, in which a nugget of truth nestles in its beating heart, or bits of truth are strewn throughout. Telling a lie may be an attempt to evade, hide, or run from the truth, yet it often can be found to point at the truth, despite its intention. In the aforementioned grey area, someone might tell a story, either to himself or to someone else, in order to make sense of facts. For instance if X and Y are friends, and Y stops speaking to X, without divulging a reason, then X may begin, without even planning it, to create stories explaining Y's silence. And these stories might not be true. Or, in a more common example, A and B might be in a relationship, and then get separated. They might tell different stories, perhaps sprinkled with truth.
Hmm.. I think someone I know is a liar, maybe the reflexive kind. I am a bit worried about this person's relationship with the truth. I wonder if he knows it or thinks about it, or if he thinks he just has to defend himself. At first I thought I was wrong and wondered whether I had just gotten the facts wrong. But then it keeps happening and some things are so evident. He's not particularly lying about almost-serious stuff, but about serious stuff.
And that is the kind of one-foot-away-from-the-truth kind of thing I'm talking about. This is very painful, and I find it compelling to consider why people do things. I am not particularly interested in judging this person for his errata, but I am so interested in his relationship with the truth and his perception of things, that makes him tell people different versions of some evident facts. I can’t even think lying is evil (though, like most things, it can be evil if you use it a certain way). I'm not saying lying is the province of cheaters. But it takes a peculiar sort of genius to dodge fact and hit truth. We should know there is truth at the end of every great lie. Lies framed in fact are the mark of a trifling amateur. For these, I suggest the wheel. Such bad habits must be broken. I'm signing off hoping he would change--at least someday!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Connectedness
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Random Thoughts at Midnight
Someone once talked about physical, emotional, and intellectual happiness and reaching through all of these means towards the spiritual platform. I never really spent much time thinking about that, but there are times when it crosses my mind. Often there are moments when you are totally absorbed by something whether it be a thought or a piece of music. I myself have noticed that when I am listening to music, it feels like an overwhelming fulfillment in my heart. Sound has a way of connecting people and transcending just the physical and mental platform. Perhaps that is why chanting and especially group chanting was something that our religion has carried on throughout all our customs.
Those moments of ultimate fulfillment come and go, but it seems whenever you stop to just think about life in terms of what God (whatever you take it to be) has sent to you... it seems absolutely perfect. Whether or not I am successful in life, with or without job (although I know that is no gage of success :), every challenge I have faced has fallen into place. I can imagine this is so confusing for someone to get what I am saying because often half of my thoughts are free of any order or logic...but try and follow this random explosion of thoughts: I have always faced a challenge in the areas I either had the most passion or my own self doubts. It has always turned out to be a gift. Perhaps the people who face the most difficulties are the most lucky in life (or at least that's something a close friend made me believe in)!
Speaking from what I can only imagine is the experience combined with relating every experience in life back to God. If anything good comes then give the entire credit to God and if something bad comes thank God for the challenge. It is probably the most stress free way to live life. To be able to lean on something greater than the smaller concept of ourselves that we walk around in all day. The problem is it takes a huge leap of faith. Almost to blindfold yourself and give your hand to someone to help you cross an ocean to reach paradise--when you aren't even sure if they have reached paradise. I do not doubt the possibilities, but it is hard to get out of your niche when you have been stuck there for so long.
For the time being I can say that in fact through all the levels--physical, emotional, and intellectual--the most enjoyment comes when you are connected to the spirit. For instance, a dancer looks absolutely ugly when she is full of ego on stage, but the most beautiful dancer is the one who is letting her spirit dance through her. Music, dance, art, acting, books, plays, science...they are all amazing aspects of human creation and they become so beautiful when you see what is inside shine through them (You may want to check my album picture!). This is going to sound sappy but if you ever listen to a beautiful piece of music, watch an amazing movie with a great message, a beautiful dance drama, read a great book, learn amazing things through class...the list goes on...and just in that moment let your spirit free and soar through it then you get a glimpse of the life of a realized soul.
Goodnight and good job for making it this far through my random thoughts... Love you all :)