Not what I expected!

My life has a dullness
now, not like the happy times of my youth
But like a cloth that has been washed too many times
or like a silent gray moth that flutters with tuneless
rhythm.
This is not what I expected.

I'd thought I'd be
happy now like a bird that flies so high...
With no cares, no worries...but life has taken my youth
which I can remember just like yesterday
But it seems as though between yesterday and today years have
passed me by.

I didn't know I'd be lying to the world, my emotions on an edge
as thin as air
yet hanging balanced between being sane and being not.
My inner fears of being someone I'm not.
I am living my fears in the flesh yet...

Not.
I had not expected this.

This violent turmoil
building inside me,
the mistrust permeating the air around me.
The hatred I feel for life because I cannot control my own life
because life controls all life
And blames it on fate.

I had expected to be halfway through my dreams and goals.
Not wandering about with adult problems and adult worries of never
being able to be myself.
but my self older wiser and restricted by life.
I had not expected this.

I had not expected to feel as if half my life is over
Like an ageless flute that’s tune is not quite right...
I had not expected this,
this loneliness,
this feeling of being rejected by the world.

Nothing ever like this.
Nothing quite like this

There were 3, 2, and then there were none...

Can you believe I'm almost done with my first MBA class??? Oh I just wanted to share that I recently had one of our team members withdraw from the class. While I'm not sure what the reason was, I'm sure there was something personal enough for that decision to be made rightfully so. This person never communicated to me as I was the team leader or to the other teammates, which could have been disastrous if we were in the later parts of our team project. Whatever the reason may be, it just goes to show that anything can happen at any point! From the interaction I had with this person, s/he really seemed to have a hold of things, and it really was a shocker. Best of luck to this person and hope everything is ok.

The reason why I bring this up is because I believe this happens where we work and for those of you that may be 'stay at homes,' it happens around you also. This is particularly similar to someone not giving two weeks notice at their job and never showing up. People quit, resign, get fired, fall sick, break-up, get divorced, etc., BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON. That is not said to be insensitive, but to really remind us that human beings learn from these misfortunes and the way we get through them is pulling together. Whether it be with family members, friends, colleagues, the country—together we are able to get through these situations in life to ultimately reach our goal. Getting back to my reference to where I work, sometimes I had to carry on more tasks to make up for the work that has been lost from the person that has left, and in this aspect, my team had to pull together even more, so we can carry out our goal—which is to complete the research and get a great grade.

I think by things popping up or the unexpected happening is a great experience. We should try to turn negatives into positives and try to put a spin on things. This also helps us develop as individuals and prepares us for the competitive world.